"NOAA REPORTS COOL SUMMER, SEVENTH COLDEST AUGUST ON RECORD ACROSS THE LOWER 48 STATES," the headline blared on the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's site.

Only the Far West was "much above normal." The Northeast and Upper Great Plains states were "below normal," and most of flyover country, from Michigan to Texas, was "much below normal." The Southeast and Southwest were "near normal."

"NOAA scientists report that the average temperature for the contiguous United States for June-August (based on preliminary data) was 71.1 degrees F (21.7 degrees C), which was 1.0 degree F (0.6 degrees C) below the 1895-2003 mean, and the 16th coolest summer on record," the feds advised.

Dandy news for Al Gore, who won't have to feel so guilty next time he gets a speeding ticket in Oregon while making good use of those awful internal-combustion engines he proposed banning for other Americans.

Editor's note: