"I understand that President Bush is going to be out today as he does every day talking about values," Edwards said in New York. "Values is not a word on a piece of paper. Values is not part of a political slogan. Values are what's inside you."

Indeed.

The head of the ticket attempted to take back the spotlight by chiming in, "Values are putting the full force of the Justice Department on day one in an effort not to take three years and a few months before the election before you bring Ken Lay to justice."

Edwards then put himself in center stage again by saying: "I grew up in a small town in North Carolina. I know something about values."

The most hilarious comment of all: The would-be veep said, "We need somebody in the White House who shares the values that most Americans believe in."

He failed to note that the values of his hometown, and the rest of flyover country, are greatly at odds with his version of values and Kerry's version of values and Whoopi Goldberg's version of values.

After all, the night before, Kerry had responded to Goldberg's obscene anti-Bush rant by insisting that "every performer tonight ... conveyed to you the heart and soul of our country." And his running mate claimed, "This campaign will be a celebration of real American values."

Editor's note: