Kerry Fails to Extend Jobless Benefits

Because Sen. John Kerry keeps refusing to show up for the job for which he is still on the taxpayers' dole, the Democrats today failed in their election-year ploy to extend federal jobless benefits yet again despite the booming economy.

The Senate rejected the stunt by one vote. The only one of the 100 lawmakers not voting was Kerry, who deemed it more important to attack the president in the Bush stronghold of Kentucky.

Although Democrats didn't gripe about the 5.6 percent unemployment rate when Bill Clinton was running for re-election in 1996, now they claim the same rate is a tragedy.

"Keep our social compact, and extend these needed unemployment benefits," blubbered Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont.

Sen. John Ensign, R-Nev., noted the economy's recent addition of 900,000 jobs and said, "The employment picture in this country is looking up, by any measure."

'Pretend'

Here's what Kerry had to say today in Louisville about the unemployed: "We can't just stand back and pretend that they aren't struggling."

Political consultant Dane Strother told the Associated Press: "He needs to understand he's probably not connecting with anyone outside that room."

Note to Sen. Baucus: Why not direct your wrath at your work-shirking colleague from Massachusetts? If you can find him, that is.

Note to Kerry: You so seldom show your face at work, perhaps it's time for you to stop accepting your big fat salary and instead apply for jobless benefits. Especially now that the lines are so short.

Editor's note: