FCC's Powell 'Outraged' by 'Deplorable' Halftime Stunt

The Federal Communications Commission will investigate CBS's sleazy halftime show, Chairman Michael Powell said today.

"I am outraged at what I saw during the halftime show of the Super Bowl. Like millions of Americans, my family and I gathered around the television for a celebration. Instead, that celebration was tainted by a classless, crass and deplorable stunt. Our nation's children, parents and citizens deserve better," Powell stated.

"I have instructed the commission to open an immediate investigation into last night's broadcast," he said.

A spokesman had earlier said merely that the agency was launching a routine inquiry because of complaints, but apparently the issue is getting too hot to ignore.

"CBS deeply regrets the incident," a mouthpiece for the network claimed.

'Wardrobe Malfunction'

Pop star Justin Timberlake insisted he had not intended to expose Janet Jackson's breast when, after singing "I'm gonna have you naked by the end of this song," he ripped open her gladiator outfit in front of millions of viewers.

"I am sorry that anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance of the Super Bowl," he said in a statement. "It was not intentional and is regrettable."

MTV, which like CBS is a subsidiary of Viacom, the same corporate behemoth that aired "The Reagans" on Showtime, claimed the stunt was "unrehearsed, unplanned, completely unintentional and was inconsistent with assurances we had about the content of the performance."

However, as NewsMax has reported, MTV tee-heed days ago that the appearance of Michael Jackson's look-alike sis would be "shocking."

"We were extremely disappointed by elements of the MTV-produced halftime show," said NFL Executive Vice President Joe Browne.

"They were totally inconsistent with assurances our office was given about the content of the show. It's unlikely that MTV will produce another Super Bowl halftime."

Bush: I Was Asleep

The risque routine didn't cause a stir at the White House last night, because President Bush had dozed off.

"I don't want to admit it, but because this White House starts early, I missed it, again," he said today. "Saw the first half, did not see the halftime. I was preparing for the day and fell asleep.

"But you all can tell me about it," he joked to reporters.

No doubt his constituents will.

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