James Hirsen
Wednesday, Jan. 4, 2006

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THE LEFT COAST REPORT
A Political Look at Hollywood

Headlines (Scroll down for complete stories):
1. Val Kilmer's View on Paris Hilton-type Fame
2. Yoko Ono's Paul McCartney Mea Culpa
3. Vampire Queen Anne Rice Finds Faith
4. Johnny Depp's France Dance
5. Justice Scalia Makes Mincemeat of Al Franken

1. Val Kilmer's View on Paris Hilton-type Fame

Val Kilmer recently spoke out about the media's coverage of Paris Hilton, saying that the heir and reality show star is "famous for nothing."

Kilmer told the British gay magazine Attitude that "it seems like it's more extreme than ever now. If you don't look a certain way, or you're not on the front cover all of the time, then you're no one."

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"Paris Hilton is a great example. She's famous for nothing. It's what we are celebrating in my country - the nothingness of her fame. She's fine with it of course - she made $100 million last year," Kilmer pointed out.

Ironically, Hilton had a small part in Kilmer's 2003 flick, "Wonderland," a film about a man who achieved fame by starring in porn films.

Hilton made it big on the world scene for something that should have been worth nothing: a sex tape that was leaked onto the Internet and featured her and ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon.

Ever since that time she has been weirdly rewarded. She was given a reality TV show, roles in Hollywood movies, a fast-food TV ad spot, a book publishing deal and her own perfume line.

The Left Coast Report guesses that Tommy Lee is wondering why he didn't get a perfume line.

2. Yoko Ono's Paul McCartney Mea Culpa

The Associated Press recently reported: "Yoko Ono has apologized to Paul McCartney for insinuating that his songs are trite."

Apparently, Ono said that unlike her deceased husband, John Lennon, McCartney, the writer of such lyrics as "Someone's Knockin' at the Door" and "Band on the Run," wrote his songs "June with spoon."

While accepting an award on behalf of Lennon this past October, Ono said she had told Lennon that he was "a good songwriter, it's not June with spoon that you write" [as McCartney does].

After reports of the statement circulated, Ono went to Rolling Stone magazine to say she was sorry.

"I certainly did not mean to hurt Paul, and if I did, I am very sorry," she said.

The Left Coast Report hears that Ono is still holding out on her apology for breaking up the Beatles.

3. Vampire Queen Anne Rice Finds Faith

In one of the most unexpected conversions of modern times, Anne Rice, the author known for her works on vampires and the occult, has had a profound change of direction in her life.

As reported in Newsweek, Rice has made a commitment to her newfound faith and has altered the subject matter of her writing.

In 1998 Rice evidently made a return to the religion of her roots, the Roman Catholic Church.

"I promised," Rice said, "that from now on I would write only for the Lord."

Over the past 25 years, Rice has written 25 novels, the best known being "Interview with the Vampire."

Now, to the consternation of many of her fans, her latest work is called "Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt," a novel about Christ's childhood.

Rice is aware that her new approach may not be well received by some.

In the book's afterword, she writes about being "ready to do violence to my career."

Rice researched heavily for her new novel by studying Scripture and history.

She also viewed every biblical movie she could find, including Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ," about which she commented that she "loved it."

The Left Coast Report is amazed at how the Spirit can use the most unlikely among us for His purposes.

4. Johnny Depp's France Dance

Back in 2003 Johnny Depp said, "America is dumb, it's like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you, aggressive."

Depp also said that he'd like his kids to see "America as a toy, a broken toy. Investigate it a little, check it out, get this feeling and then get out."

A short while ago the actor left the U.S. for a tranquil life in France.

What a difference some youthful jihad in the streets makes.

A recent headline on the Contact Music Web site read: "Depp: 'I can't stay in riot ravaged France.'"

Depp described the riots in France as "insane," stating that "setting cars on fire is the new strike."

"I went there [to France] to live because it seemed so simple. Now it's anything but. I don't know how they'll recover from this."

The Left Coast Report says it's a shame that it takes terrorism in the streets for Depp to realize what "seemed so simple" isn't.

5. Justice Scalia Makes Mincemeat of Al Franken

You probably won't be hearing the talk show host for the dying liberal radio network Air America, Al Franken, doing much talking about a recent run-in he had with U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.

Time Warner chairman Dick Parsons told the New York Post that in a recent verbal altercation between Franken and Scalia, "Al [Franken] was not quite ready for prime time."

Scalia was the subject of an interview conducted by outgoing Time Inc. editor-in-chief Norman Pearlstine as part of a series titled "Conversations on the Circle."

As Mike Wallace, Tina Brown, Michael Eisner, Jack Valenti and other celebs watched, Franken tried to heckle Scalia.

The unfunny comedian stood up and asked about "judicial demeanor." Franken wanted to know whether a judge ought to recuse himself if he had gone duck hunting or flown in a private jet with someone who is a party in a case before his court.

This was, of course, a not-so-veiled reference to Scalia's activities with Dick Cheney before the 2000 election.

Without missing a beat, Scalia responded, "Demeanor is the wrong word. You mean ethics."

After placing the dunce cap on Franken's head, the jurist continued: "Ethics is governed by tradition. It has never been the case where you recuse because of friendship."

The Left Coast Report believes that watching a Scalia-Franken match-up is like watching Gary Kasparov play chess with Jessica Simpson.

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