James Hirsen
Tuesday, Sept. 20, 2005

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THE LEFT COAST REPORT
A Political Look at Hollywood

Marriage, Hollywood Style

After only four months of marriage, Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney have parted ways; and Zellweger has filed to have the union annulled.

The two met in January at a tsunami relief benefit concert and were married at a private ceremony in the Virgin Islands four months later.

Some media critics speculated that it was a publicity stunt.

In legal papers filed by Zellweger in Los Angeles County Superior Court, the Oscar-winning actress listed "fraud" as the reason for the breakup with Chesney.

According to a written statement released by Zellweger's publicist, the term was "simply legal language and not a reflection of Kenny's character."

In an age where divorce statistics are depressingly high, marriages numbered by months, days or hours are still unusual. Not in Hollywood.

Consider the marriages of Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd, which lasted 7 months; Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley, which flickered for 107 days; Drew Barrymore and Tom Green, which persevered for under a year; Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton, which survived for just over 2 years; Britney Spears and Jason Allen Alexander, which raged for 55 hours; and Shannon Doherty and Ashley Hamilton, which endured for 5 months.

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And of course we can't forget the connubial queen, Elizabeth Taylor, whose marriages have varied in length but who's been to the altar eight times.

The U.K. Daily Express is reporting that the real issue for Zellweger was that "she's an independent woman who's not used to being told what to do."

Zellweger is reportedly "not a washing-up, cooking and kitchen kind of girl. But Kenny was very controlling and wanted her to play the little wife. In the end Renee wanted out."

Let's see … Zellweger marries a straight southern white male, a country-singing cowboy from Tennessee who sings about good old-fashioned love, marriage, family and faith. And she's shocked to find out he wants a traditional wife?

David Geffen to Own the L.A. Times?

According to the very newspaper that's the subject of this little Hollywood story, entertainment billionaire David Geffen apparently wants to purchase his hometown paper, the Los Angeles Times.

It's a marriage made in heaven. On second thought, make that Havana.

Los Angeles' biggest daily is as lopsided as the New York Times. And as for Geffen, he's been a long-time supporter of Democratic candidates and super-liberal causes. 

Geffen, who puts the "G" in DreamWorks SKG, has reportedly talked with three civic leaders and indicated his strong desire to become the Times' owner.
 
Dennis J. Fitzsimons, chief executive of the Tribune Co. - the current owner of the L.A. Times - confirmed that he had a recent meeting with Geffen on the subject. Fitzsimons insists that he told Geffen the paper is not for sale.

The Left Coast Report wonders if, with Geffen at the helm, the Times will assign the duties of international correspondent to Oliver Stone, weather forecasting to Roland Emmerich and Web Editor to Barbra Streisand.

Michael Jackson's Katrina Song

Evidently, Michael Jackson wants to record a song for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

However, a re-release of his previous charitable tune "We Are the World" is not really an option, not only because it's from another era but also because the "we are the children" line no longer works.

Jackson has convinced a group of music superstars to record his new song titled "From The Bottom Of My Heart." Participants include Mariah Carey, Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z, James Brown and Lauryn Hill.

A statement from Jackson's publicist said the singer is "continuing to reach out to artists who would like to work with him in this project, which he humbly hopes will make a tremendous difference to all individuals who have been affected by this tragedy."
 
The Left Coast Report hears that Michael is also thinking about donating some of his designer surgical masks, but first staffers have to check to see that they don't contain any spare noses.

Ellen DeGeneres Passes on 'Oh, God!' Role

As recently as August, Daily Variety was reporting that Jerry Weintraub's Warner Bros.-based production company, Weintraub Prods. ("Ocean's Eleven" and "Ocean's Twelve"), had plans to do a remake of the George Burns/John Denver film "Oh, God!"

Purportedly the Creator of the Universe was going to be played by comedienne and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres.

Then in early September the Associated Press reported that DeGeneres "was planning to star in a remake of the 1977 comedy "Oh, God!" but backed off because the script didn't meet her expectations."

The Left Coast Report thinks that DeGeneres made an enlightened decision, since a host of groups, including the American Society for the Defense of Tradition, Family and Property, had already launched protests anticipating the typical Tinseltown blasphemous depiction of religion.

Celebrity Griping Abroad

Some Hollywood celebs have a nasty habit of saying the most awful things about America while abroad.

Recent examples that have been reported by the foreign press include the following:

• Gwyneth Paltrow told the Toronto Globe and Mail, "I've always been drawn to Europe. America is such a young country, with an adolescent swagger about it. But I feel that I have a more European sensibility, a greater respect for the multicultural nature of the globe."

After praising the Europeans, Paltrow further dumped on the country that made her career possible. She added that "it's a strange time to be an American now, I feel like we're really in trouble. I just had a baby and thought, 'I don't want to live there.' Bush's anti-environment, pro-war policies are a disaster."

• Donald Sutherland, co-star of ABC's new series-style Hillary campaign commercial "Commander in Chief, told the London Times that the United States is a place "where they talk about family values but leave people to drown."

• Russell Crowe has a novel approach to his assault charge for allegedly tossing a phone at a hotel employee. Crowe told the U.K. Daily Mirror, "Maybe it's better I don't travel to America. Maybe it's better I don't work in the area of the business that attracts so many flies. You tell me to p**s off too many times and I probably will."  

The Left Coast Report has an idea. If while abroad a celebrity bashes the U.S., we should revoke their citizenship and/or their visas. Then they'll have to come into the country the way everyone else does - across the Mexican border.

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