Jane Fonda's Measly Mea Culpa

Jane Fonda's Measly Mea Culpa

James Hirsen
Tuesday, April 12, 2005

THE LEFT COAST REPORT
A Political Look at Hollywood

Pope Fiction

While the Catholic Church holds a conclave to pick the next pope, a new comic book superhero of the papal kind is getting ready to take flight.

Look, up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's...the "Incredible Popeman"?

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Evidently, a Pope John Paul II figure will soon be gracing the pages of a Colombian comic book.

Wearing an anti-devil cape and chastity pants, the pontiff comic strip character will use his superpowers to stomp out evil. He'll be drawn in the muscular style of other well known superheroes, and with him he'll carry holy water, communion wine and a faith staff with a cross on top.

The first installment of the publication will feature the late pope consulting with Batman and Superman on how to effectively fight Satan.

The tale of the pope's death will be told. But His Holiness will also come back to life, and he'll have superpowers far beyond those of mere mortal popes.

In addition to its circulation in Colombia, the "Incredible Popeman" will also be sold in Poland.

The Left Coast Report wonders if there'd ever be a superhero comic book starring the Dalai Lama.

Bono-Robertson Hookup

On the heels of the Reverend Jesse Jackson's team up with Mel Gibson and Randall Terry in the Terri Schiavo fight for life, another Hollywood-reverend connection is taking shape. Irish rocker Bono is lining up with none other than the Reverend Pat Robertson.

The Bono-Robertson alliance is part of a celebrity public service ad campaign designed to fight poverty and AIDS.

The 60-second ad will air on various networks and cable channels and will feature Jewel, Penelope Cruz, Tom Hanks, Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx and others.

The campaign doesn't ask for donations but instead will attempt to raise awareness and recruit new activists.

Along with Bono, Brad Pitt is also among the A-list celebs who are standing alongside Robertson, figuratively speaking, to assist in the awareness effort. Pitt reportedly visited Africa after being inspired by Bono.

The Left Coast Report thinks since Brad is wrangling with reports that he's been a little too chummy with Angelina Jolie, the timing of the ads may suit Pitt perfectly.

Cookie Monster Enters Rehab

Stop the peewee presses!

Cookie Monster, the beloved Sesame Street character has been rushed into cookie rehab where he will apparently receive intense produce therapy.

Yes, Cookie Monster is kicking the sugar habit and taking the fruit and veggie path.

We all knew that when it came to sweet treats our blue furry friend was a bit obsessed.

Guess he won't be anymore. No longer will we hear his familiar refrain, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me."

Cookie Monster has apparently received a directive from his Sesame Street bosses to quit downing his favorite food because his behavior could be contributing to the child obesity pickle we're supposedly in.

Now future episodes of Sesame Street will purportedly show Cookie Monster modifying his intake of chocolate chips while singing the praises of cantaloupe. His new song is going to be, "A cookie is a sometimes food."

The show also plans to add new characters to encourage healthy eating. And celebrity guests like Alicia Keys and Hillary Clinton will be brought in to promote the benefits of diet and fitness.

The Left Coast Report will respond as soon as we're finished dunking our Oreos.

Sean Penn's Envy Excuse

Remember in 2002, just before the war, when actor Sean Penn traveled to Baghdad to gain a "greater understanding" about Iraq's issues. He was supposedly seeking the truth by hanging out with the likes of Tariq Aziz and Baghdad Bob.

Penn received a lot of criticism for his journey even from his fellow actors.

Penn claims that the reason his compatriots expressed disapproval of his trip was because they were "failed actors" who were "envious."

He says, "It's interesting. I haven't broken this down but I would say that about half of the loudest talking heads are people who are on the record as failed actors, people who are envious."

Penn's prescription for the problem is to "ignore them."

"I knew what it was going to be like before I went on that trip," Penn explains.

The Left Coast Report sees Penn as a failed talking head with a bad case of Geraldo envy.

Jane Fonda's Measly Mea Culpa

Jane Fonda, the former "Barbarella" star, aerobics aficionado and Ted Turner Mrs., recently did some foreign policy spouting off during an appearance on "Late Night with David Letterman."

When asked to opine about the Iraq war, Fonda responded, "I think the war is wrong. I think it's a mistake and I think that we should get out."

At least she didn't repeat her Vietnam blunder and scoot on over to Baghdad to have her picture taken with Saddam & Co.

The 1972 pic is perhaps her most famous. It's the one where she posed on a North Vietnamese anti-aircraft gun with the foe's helmet on her head and was encircled by smiling enemy soldiers.

Jane's been out pitching her autobiography and is now expressing some regret about the photo. She referred to the incident as a "lapse of judgment," saying, "I will go to my grave regretting that."

Fonda has said similar things before but has never experienced the kind of pressure that Trent Lott and others did to cough up an apology. In fact, she recently said publicly that apologizing is not something that she intends to do.

She ought to reconsider the apology stuff and say she's sorry for the numerous broadcasts on Radio Hanoi where she referred to U.S. soldiers as war criminals; for assuring the world that POWs were being treated like guests of honor while Hanoi was torturing our GIs; and for calling the brave soldiers liars and racists when the POWs came home and revealed the torture.

The Left Coast Report says while Fonda's at it, she might also think about retracting a statement she made in 1970, where she said, "If you understood what communism was, you would hope, you would pray on your knees that we would some day become communist."

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