James Hirsen
Tuesday, Jan. 11, 2005

THE LEFT COAST REPORT
A Political Look at Hollywood

Both the U.N. and Madonna seem to have come up with some unique assistance for the tsunami disaster victims. 

The U.N. is sending condoms while Madonna is sending Kabbalah Water.

As Fr. Michael Reilly reported for NewsMax, the United Nations Population Fund (UNPFA) recently bragged that "free condoms are among the first reproductive health supplies to reach people caught in a crisis situation ... UNFPA provides both male and female condoms in emergencies."

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Meanwhile, Madonna reportedly plans to ship 10,000 bottles of "special" Kabbalah water to the tsunami-hit region.

The material girl and other celebrity Kabbalah followers including
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are raising funds to send the New Age
H2O to South Asia.

People in the region need water and are probably not that concerned about the label it carries. However, Muslims do dominate the region and may not be the biggest fans of Jewish mysticism.

The Left Coast Report guesses that, in Beverly Hills, the latest supplies de rigeur are red string water and blue helmet condoms.

Bevis and Butthead Mystery

One question looms big on the minds of those living in the normally quiet community of Lake Stevens, Washington.

The story concerns a 5.7-acre lake in a forested area 25 miles northeast of Seattle.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the official name of the stretch of water is Butthead Lake.

Both the U.S. Geological Survey and the Washington State Department of National Resources call the aqueous body Bevis Lake.

Locals say that it used to be called Beaver Lake but was changed to pay tribute to a guy named William Beavis. Apparently, the aquatic accolade also entailed a different spelling.

At the present time no one has been able to find out why Lake Bevis was changed by the Census Bureau to Lake Butthead.

The Left Coast Report has made numerous attempts to contact census officials, but thus far the only response received has been some oddly familiar snickering.

Sean Penn's Puff Stuff

Sean Penn's use of the English language continues to befuddle experts.

In an interview with the Boston Globe, Penn responded to the negative press he has received regarding his two visits to Iraq.

Penn's first line of defense is that Bill O'Reilly agrees with him now.

"I wrote a letter to the Washington Post a couple of years ago, before we went into the war," Penn pointed out. "The very things I was criticized for saying then are now being reported by Bill O'Reilly."

It's not known yet whether Mr. O intends to back the actor up on this.

Penn also claims that he "was criticized for suggesting the possibility there were no weapons of mass destruction."

Actually, that wasn't the reason Penn was criticized, but, hey, who's checking facts?

Penn moved on to a statement that seems to require a bit of translating.

"But the bigger issue is that it's an absolutely stupid notion that you should take the title of someone's profession and attach it to what they should not do. It has nothing to do with citizenry," Penn pontificated.

I believe what Penn was trying to say is that it's okay for actors to speak their minds.

He ended his soliloquy with some cynical Penn panache and a dash of vulgarity: "I think they should shove it with their hypocritical Ronald Reagan standard right up their a**."

The Left Coast Report asks, following even Spicoli reasoning, if it's okay for actors to speak their minds, isn't it also okay for critics of actors to speak their minds?

'People's Choice' Gets One Right

Good news/bad news time. 

The good news is that despite being snubbed by several critics and pre-Oscar award granters, Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" was the overwhelming winner at the Peoples Choice Awards for Favorite Movie Drama. 

Gibson's film beat "The Bourne Supremacy," "Collateral," "Finding Neverland" and "Ray" by an unprecedented lopsided margin.

The presenter of the Favorite Movie Drama award was Rene Russo, one of Gibson's former co-stars. The acclaimed producer-actor-director received a standing ovation for his win.

Gibson told the audience that the award "means a lot more to me this time than anything before."

He added a reference to the fact the Hollywood establishment had refused to finance or distribute his film, saying, "When you circumvent the system, I depended on you and you were there. If it wasn't for you guys, we would have been dead in the water."

Unfortunately, Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11" also beat out the competition, which included "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "The Incredibles," "Shrek 2" and "Spider-Man 2," snagging the People's Choice Award for Favorite Movie.

The presenter of the Favorite Movie award, believe it or not, was Martin Sheen. As he accepted Moore exclaimed, "I'll take this as an invitation to make more 'Fahrenheit 9/11s.'"

Guess that means more Republican victories.

This year's 31st Awards ceremony included some new categories, among them being Favorite Movie Drama (won by Gibson) and Favorite Movie (won by Moore). Unfortunately, the Most Deceitful Documentary category, which "Fahrenheit 9/11" would have won hands-down, was not yet available.

Mel Gibson did not campaign, promote or advertise to garner any award. This stands in sharp contrast to the political P.R. machine of Michael Moore, et al. In fact, Moore had even posted a letter on his Web site urging his followers to cast their votes for him.

Moore's letter, which as of this writing has curiously been pulled off his Web site, had stated: "The People's Choice Awards are considered, among all the awards shows, to be the one which most accurately reflects the 'mainstream' public opinion in the United States."

After touting the credibility of the awards, Moore went in for the close. "OK, now, here's the best part: YOU get to vote! Online. Now. Just go to pcavote.com, click on the little circle next to 'Fahrenheit 9/11' in the 'Favorite Movie' category and press the 'vote' button."

For some additional motivation, Moore cited a group of leading Republicans who had taken out ads in USA Today and Daily Variety. Moore claimed the ads included "a not-so-subtle threat to the Academy Awards voters that, in essence, said don't even THINK about nominating 'Fahrenheit 9/11' for Best Picture."

The Left Coast Report says if Moore doesn't get Best Pic from the Academy, it sure won't be because Hollywood was taking advice from Republicans.

Jerry Springer's Opera Low Note

We warned you it was coming.

Well, evidently, despite receiving 40,000 complaints, the BBC went ahead and aired "Jerry Springer - The Opera" anyway.

The show's been being staged in London's West End. It portrays Jesus Christ as declaring that he is a "bit gay." It also features musical numbers like "Pregnant By A Transsexual" and "Here Come The Hookers."

It's been reported that the production is splattered with some 8,000 or so profane words.

According to the Associated Press, BBC director-general Mark Thompson claimed that, as a practicing Christian, he did not believe it [the show] to be blasphemous. He also noted that viewers were warned that the program contained offensive language.

The Left Coast Report hears that Springer's opera has it own Three Tenors -- Howard Stern, Randy Moss and Bubba the Love Sponge.