James Hirsen
Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Hollywood plans to release a cutesy Christmas flick in November called “Elf.” But the casting of Santa is making some folks see red.

Ed Asner – the guy who has described the war in Iraq as racist, referred to the U.S. under President Bush’s leadership as an imperialist government and heaped praise on tubby tyrant Fidel Castro – has the sugarplum role of jolly old St. Nick.

Now a group called Patriotic Americans Boycotting Anti-America Hollywood (www.PABAAH.com) wishes someone else other than Asner would get to wear the Santa suit.

Jon Alvarez, who formed PABAAH, tells me that “as for Asner and his ‘blame America’ attitude, we find it offensive that he is being cast as a beloved character like Santa Claus.”

Alvarez points out the contrast between Asner’s success and wealth and his strange affection for a vicious dictator. He says: “If he dislikes the country that has afforded him the lifestyle and luxury that his earnings as a celebrity have afforded him, then maybe he should see how wonderful Cuba really is. I doubt he would be able to enjoy the freedoms he has here were he under Castro's rule.”

The Left Coast Report notes that if Asner does manage to hold onto the role of Santa, at least he’ll be wearing a suit that’s the right color.

Doc Streisand’s Rx to Put Government in the Pink

The politics of Yentl are perpetually entertaining. Barbra Streisand recently placed one of her rally-the-liberal-troops statements on her Web site.

While discussing the importance of electing a Democrat president, Babs explains how the government can become “healthy.”

The singer muses: “Why should wealthy people such as myself receive a tax cut? I will be the first to admit that I don’t need it. What we all need is a healthy government that can provide the services (such as education, health care, national and homeland security) that we all depend on.”

Sounds as if in the perfect Streisand world, all government has to do is tax to the max and guilt to the hilt.

The Left Coast Report thinks it would be much healthier for everyone if our morbidly obese government shed a few billion pounds instead.

Cruise & Cruz Lobby

Adding to the long list of stars who have made the pilgrimage from Hollywood to D.C., Tom Cruise recently went to the nation’s capital to lobby against the coercive medication of schoolchildren.

Cruise brought actress and purported love interest Penelope Cruz along with him to help. Supposedly he even snagged a lunch with Secretary of Education Rod Paige.

The “Mission Impossible” star spoke out about a recently passed House bill that involved the issue. Cruise said, “There are 8 million kids that are being medicated with educational medication.”

Cruise specifically cited Ritalin and Adderall. He said, “When you break down the chemical compound, it's the same as cocaine.”

The way our institutions have been justifying use of these drugs on our little ones is by claiming that they’re plagued with things such as attention deficit disorder.

In fact, these days parents are being told that their children have all sorts of “D” faults, including scary-sounding conditions such as ADD, OCD, ADHD, DIS and DUD.

The Left Coast Report remarks, didn’t we used to have another way of describing these kinds of syndromes? Oh, yeah, we called them KIDS.

Barry Manilow Raises Money for Dick

Barry Manilow’s broken nose has been all over the news lately. According to the singer, he walked into a wall because he thought he was in a hotel rather than his own home.

“I veered to the left instead of the right and slammed right into the wall,” Manilow explained.

Now it looks as if the syrupy song slinger is continuing to veer left, with his support of presidential hopeful Dick Gephardt.

In addition to the $2,000 maximum contribution allowed by law, Manilow recently crooned to get Krugerrands, and any other negotiable currency he could, into the Democrat candidate’s coffer.

B.M. is no stranger to big-time Democrat events. As a matter of fact, he performed at the inaugural of William Jefferson Blythe Clinton.

The Left Coast Report wonders who’ll be the next celebrity to make an incorrect left turn and slam into a big old wall.

Janeane Garofalo Picks Apart Patriots

Janeane Garofalo appears to be living out some sort of paranoid fantasy. She continues to squawk publicly that the reason she lost some acting roles was because of her anti-war statements.

Guess she’s referring to the last-minute decision by ABC to chuck her proposed sitcom, despite the fact that cancellations in Tinseltown are as common as birthday adjustments and doctored photos. Strangely enough, Garofalo bragged back in April that her appeasement activism had boosted her career. She gloated that “the positives have far outweighed the negatives. Before this I was a moderately well-known character actress. Now I’m almost famous.”

She even dared people to try to get her series canceled. "Boycotters are welcome to keep giving me tons of publicity," she said before reiterating, "There will be no apologies."

At a recent gathering for a new Miramax publication, Garofalo said she didn’t mind. According to the New York Post, the comedian takes comfort in the fact that she won’t work with people she disparagingly calls patriots.

Garofalo describes patriots as those who are “dumb and mean.”

The Left Coast Report says: way to go to get more work, Garofalo.

Tucker Carlson’s High-Fiber Diet

Tucker Carlson may have underestimated the drive of libs to buy Hillary’s new book by the crate.

On CNN’s “Crossfire,” Carlson promised to eat his shoes if Hillary’s work of fiction sells a million copies or if Simon & Schuster recoups its $8 million advance.

Carlson told the Washington Post, “I feel a little sick to my stomach just thinking about it.”

The tightly bow-tied one added: “I am probably going to end up being punished for attempting to be honorable. I'm still betting on America, but I'm probably going to end up like Al Gore. I'm going to contest the results and demand recounts, but ultimately I'm going to give in and do the right thing.”

Simon & Schuster spokeswoman Victoria Meyer told the Post, “When the time comes, we'll be only too happy to send Tucker a bottle of steak sauce.”

The Left Coast Report advises Tucker to be careful about accepting Simon & Schuster’s sales figures. They’re probably being tabulated by Arthur Andersen.

Latest Kelsey Grammer Lesson

When Kelsey Grammer guest-hosted the Letterman show, he let the cat out of the bag about the way conservatives are treated in left-leaning Hollywood.

In his monologue, he shared with the audience: “Some of you may or may not know this. I’ve recently come out of the closet, actually, in Hollywood. I’m a Republican, you see. It’s a dangerous thing to do in Hollywood because it means you are very isolated and lonely.”

The actor went on to describe what a small group of Hollywood Republicans that he hangs out with did recently for kicks. He quipped, “Last weekend, just for fun, we kidnapped Michael Moore and gave him a decent haircut and some clothing.”

Grammer also commented on the latest cynical ploy by Democrats to create a hubbub over not finding the actual WMDs in a country the size of California. “John Kerry’s been leveling some real shots at President Bush lately,” he said. “I want you to give them some time … don’t forget they’re still looking for O.J.’s weapons.” The “Frasier” star appeared recently on “Fox & Friends,” too, and revealed that he was a “pro-Bush guy.”

The Left Coast Report suspects that it might be the tossed salad and scrambled eggs, but whatever it is, keep it coming, Kelsey.

The Left Coast Report is put together by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax.

Join James Hirsen as he kicks Hollywood in the political keister in his upcoming blockbuster, “Tales From the Left Coast,” due out July 1.

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