James Hirsen
Tuesday, April 8, 2003

Dignity and decorum in Hollywood? Not when there are big bucks to be made.

Moguls in Tinseltown are reportedly competing for the movie rights to the story of Jessica Lynch’s rescue. A plot that involves a beautiful young woman who shows exceptional courage, and the daring operation to rescue her after she’s been captured, is just too tempting for Hollywood docudrama dudes and dudettes.

Guess this sort of thing is inevitable, but couldn’t the salivating predators of production have waited until our heroine had had the chance to heal?

Rumors are flying that Buffy, a.k.a. Sarah Michelle Gellar, could be the possible star for the project. And the working title for the flick is said to be “Saving Private Jessica.”

The Left Coast Report points out that even though they seem to have a lot of doubts about the war itself, libs in Hollywood don’t seem to have any doubts when it comes to making money off of it.

A Dixie Chicks Alternative

NewsMax’s very own Mike Gallagher has come up with a way for folks to demonstrate their feelings about Dixie Chicks lead singer Natalie Maines’ idiocy. You know the harebrained stuff she said about President Bush while in Europe – “We're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas.”

Well, now a Chicks-free concert appears to be in the offing. The Marshall Tucker Band is set to perform at a May 1 concert in South Carolina. The show is being billed as an alternative to the kickoff concert of the Dixie Chicks’ U.S. tour, which is scheduled on the same day in Greenville.

Gallagher says anyone who shows up with Dixie Chicks tickets will get to sit in a special VIP section and attend a VIP reception. Proceeds from the Marshall Tucker Band concert will be used to buy food for military families and military communities.

For her part, Maines continues to keep the flames of discontent burning. She is quoted as telling a reporter in New Zealand that she was only joking.

According to “E! Online,” Maines shows no regret for her statement: “The more flack I get for it, the prouder I am.”

Wonder if Maines is equally proud that Dixie Chicks' album sales have dropped a reported 52 percent since she launched her anti-Bush blast.

The Left Coast Report quotes from an open letter to the Dixie Chicks from Lt. Layne McDowell, one of our fellow citizens fighting for our freedom.

“…I fly F-14 Tomcats off carriers around the world, executing the missions that preserve the very freedom you claim to exercise. I have proudly fought for my country in the skies over Kosovo, Iraq and Afghanistan without regret. Though I may disagree wholeheartedly with your comments, I will defend to the death your right to say them, in America. But for you to travel to a foreign land and publicly criticize our Commander in Chief is cowardice behavior. Would you have so willingly made those comments while performing for a patriotic, flag-waving crowd of Texans in Lubbock? I would imagine not. To Natalie Maines: This Texan, this American will continue to risk his life to guarantee your freedoms. What will you do to deserve it?”

Fools’ Forum

What the world needs now is … celebrity geopolitics?

Spider gal Kirsten Dunst and her beau Jake Gyllenhaal, who’s working on a film version of a book by Art Bell, want to help mankind by creating a forum of Hollywood celebrities. The forum will supposedly be a place for discussion of domestic and international political issues.

Dunst has indicated that she was moved to get involved in the real world because of the war in Iraq.

Jane Makin of “People News” reports that Dunst said, “It's not that we're not patriotic; it's just that we don't want war.” The actress added, “This is so important and if we can get anyone to be more political, then that's a good thing.”

The Left Coast Report thinks it is a good thing if actors gather together in a forum. Then they can simply bore each other instead of us.

Unmasking Pearl Jam

Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder seems to be in a defiant and unrepentant mood these days.

When Vedder recently decided to “express himself” on the commander in chief, dozens of discerning fans walked out of the Denver concert. Eddie had impaled a mask of the president on a microphone stand. He then slammed the stand to the stage and repeatedly stomped on it.

"It was like he decapitated someone in a primal ritual and stuck their head on a stick," (former) fan Keith Zimmerman told the Associated Press.

Vedder had worn the mask of Dubya during a performance of a Bush-bashing song. In the song, the singer refers to Bush as “a confidence man” who is “not a leader.”

The Left Coast Report suggests that, in this case, it might be appropriate to throw these Pearls before swine.

NYPD Red, White and Blue

Dennis Franz, who plays Detective Andy Sipowicz on “NYPD Blue,” has distanced himself from his fellow Hollywood thespians. In a simple and elegant statement, Franz summed up his views on the war in Iraq: “I think we're doing the right thing.”

Franz is a Vietnam vet and understands the importance of giving the troops a solid sense of encouragement.

Franz said: “They are defending our country. Thank God that we have people in this world that are willing to do it.”

The Left Coast Report says what else would you expect from one of New York’s finest? Now if we can only get Sipowicz to hammer some of his Tinseltown colleagues with the words “You have the right to remain silent …”

Anti-War Lingerie Dustin Hoffman is going public with his anti-war views in a novel way.

In an effort to assist a breast cancer charity, the actor has apparently designed a bra that will be auctioned off.

Hoffman’s lingerie creation reportedly carries an anti-war theme. According to Jeannette Walls of MSNBC.com, the undergarment is black with silver sequined letters that spell out “War” on one cup and “Sucks” on the other.

Guess the “Tootsie” star is showing support – for the female anatomy, that is.

The Left Coast Report agrees that Hollywood’s anti-war ideas belong on underwear. But instead of brassieres, shouldn’t the messages be written on items of clothing that are used to cover the part of the body most resembling the typical anti-war celeb?

Springtime for Hitler at CBS

Producer Ed Gernon must have been hanging out with actor David Clennon of “The Agency.” In case you’ve forgotten, Clennon uttered some of the most outrageous statements ever to come from Hollywood left, in which he compared President Bush to Adolf Hitler.

Now Gernon has decided to join in with Clennon’s preposterous parallels.

Gernon is the executive producer of the CBS miniseries “Hitler: The Rise of Evil.” And he has said that he views the miniseries as a warning to America.

He told Mark Lasswell of TV Guide that the public's cooperation with the policy of the Bush administration was akin to Germany's acceptance of Hitler. “I can't think of a better time to examine this history than now,” Gernon said.

The Left Coast Report observes that the people who consistently try to compare Dubya with the Nazis are the same ones who are ready and willing to click their heels together and chant “Heil Hillary!”

The Left Coast Report is put together by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax.

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