James Hirsen
Tuesday, Dec. 9, 2003

Some Mexican officials in Nuevo Laredo aren’t exactly nostalgic about the syrupy sounds of Air Supply.

Best known for the hit “All out of Love,” the musicians must have recently felt as if they were all out of luck. It seems that immigration employees of the Mexican government apprehended them for failing to provide documents to legally work in Mexico.

The 1980s duo were just kicking off an eight-city tour of the border nation when eight agents from the National Migration Institute asked to see their work visas. The agents stayed for the group’s first concert and then escorted 13 members of Air Supply’s entourage to the Migration Institute’s offices.

The detainees were eventually allowed to return to their hotel after surrendering their passports to the authorities.

Antonio Sanchez, a spokesman with the Migration Institute, told the Associated Press, “We routinely verify the documents of all foreigners who enter the country.”

The Left Coast Report thinks the routine verification of documents of foreigners who enter the country sounds like a pretty good idea. Maybe we ought to try it right here in the U.S.

Hollywood Hit With BDS

The former practicing psychiatrist and op-ed writer Charles Krauthammer has identified a new disorder. He calls it Bush Derangement Syndrome.

The condition causes distortion in the perception of reality. Curiously, it appears to be endemic within the left-leaning celebrity sphere.

There are several signs that growing numbers of star leftists are experiencing episodes of BDS hysteria.

Michael Moore has publicly stated on cable TV that he thinks the Bush administration is hiding Osama bin Laden.

Janeane Garofalo has mused aloud on the national airwaves that the president and Saddam Hussein are morally indistinguishable.

According to Us Weekly, Cher has voiced a peculiar sort of preference: “I would rather stick needles in my eyes than be a Republican.”

The dysfunction is affecting segments of the media as well. Certain reporters and broadcasters recently latched onto a noticeably non-story news story dubbed “Turkey-Gate.”

The Washington Post ran a piece that revealed the naked truth about the turkey in question, which sat on a platter held by President Bush during his Thanksgiving visit with the troops. CNN’s cure for insomnia Aaron Brown also signaled his fixation when he covered the matter extensively on his show and even asked Mary Matalin about the “veracity of the White House.”

Guess to folks with BDS, finding out that the turkey was merely a “decorative” bird and not one to be served to the troops tossed them into a heightened state of poultry anxiety.

Speaking of naked things, a new tool is being added to the dis Dubya arsenal: sex.

A group of women in Michigan who call themselves Babes Against Bush say they want to “promote political awareness in the most unlikely of audiences: men whose cultural tastes tend towards centerfolds and the swimsuit issues of sports magazines.”

One livid lady named Eleanor Vast-Binder explains to the Washington Post, “What better way is there to get guys to notice that the president is a bozo.”

And then there’s another group known as Radical Cheerleaders, which has a network of young female activists who do cheerleading routines at left-wing protests. The organization has squads in Phoenix, San Diego, Sweden, London, Warsaw, Ireland, Ottawa and on several college campuses, with names such as Rocky Mountain Rebels and Memphis Dirty Southern Belles.

The Left Coast Report has a few words to say about cheerleaders who do cartwheels and splits trying to get the attention of the White House. Creative concept, wrong White House.

E-Hate

With the Bush-hating affliction spreading in leftist circles like pinkeye in preschool, you’d expect the star of the Internet hate sites to be Dubya himself.

Not so. It turns out that the No. 1 recipient of Web contempt is not Bush at all. So says the San Francisco Chronicle.

It’s not Saddam Hussein or Osama bin Laden either.

With only a tad over 750 sites, Saddam doesn’t come close. And Osama isn’t even in the running, with his measly 240 sites.

The runners-up have a pretty good showing, though, with more than 1,000 derogatory sites to their photosynthetic fame. The second-place targets of cyber-hatred are vegetables.

So you’re wondering who the unmitigated leader in Internet loathing is, with more than 2,300 sites to her discredit? It’s none other than the Mouseketeer-turned-minx, Britney Spears.

Unfortunately for the “Lucky” girl, the scornful sites invariably contain the slogan “I hate Britney Spears.”

The Left Coast Report guesses this means folks would rather suffer through broccoli spears than watch Britney Spears.

The Rush Limbaugh Exception to the Compassion Rule

Hollywood’s hypocrisy is showing again.

Left-leaning celebs in Tinseltown generally lend their support and even pay tribute to any famous person who decides to hit the rehab trail. Well, not when it comes to Rush Limbaugh.

Many of the so-called caring folks in La-La Land appear to be rubbing their hands together in sadistic glee at Rush’s pain problem and the possibility that he could be charged with something.

In a lefty celebrity world, compassion has partisan overtones and doesn’t extend from lib to conservative, even when the addiction stems from a relief-of-pain pursuit.

Let’s take a stroll down left-wing memory lane for a moment. Throughout his entire time in public office, Bill Clinton refused to produce his medical records. And his defenders didn’t care a whit.

Rush, who holds no public office, has now had his confidential medical records seized by the police. And the same folks somehow think it’s way cool.

The Left Coast Report has a play on lib words for would-be Rush detractors: The Maharushie’s conduct doesn’t rise to the level of prosecution.

Counterfeit Campaign for ‘Reality’ TV

For a while now “reality” TV has been catapulting ordinary folks into the realm of stardom by having them swig slime and lick larvae.

But Viacom has come up with a new idea. Before running with the reality concept, though, it must first get clearance from the Federal Election Commission.

That’s right. We’re talking the voting patrol.

If the FEC gives the OK, Showtime intends to present an imitation presidential campaign called “American Candidate.”

The program would feature ordinary citizens competing in campaign events until one person comes out the winner. And the timing of the airing would be coordinated with the presidential campaign.

Contestants would make speeches, participate in debates and press conferences, devise campaign strategies, produce TV ads, consult with advisers, choose policy positions and try to build public support.

At the close of each episode, viewers would get a chance to vote for their favorite candidate by phone or via the Internet.

The nominally balanced advisory board for “American Candidate” includes former Republican Sen. Alan Simpson, former press secretary to President Ford Ron Nessen, former Democrat Sen. Bob Kerrey and Al Gore’s presidential campaign adviser Elaine Kamarck.

The Left Coast Report points out that we already have a weird reality show that’s focused on the selection of a presidential nominee. It’s called the Democrat primaries.

Secret Service Checks Out Eminem

The Secret Service has confirmed to Ananova that it is examining the lyrics to a new Eminem tune, “We as Americans.”

Although it hasn’t yet been released, the lyrics are available on the Internet and include the following: “F*** money, I don’t rap for dead presidents. I’d rather see the president dead.”

A Secret Service spokesman told Ananova, “We are aware of the lyric and are in the process of determining what action, if any, will be taken.”

The words to the song have already generated a response from Jon Alvarez of the group Patriotic Americans Boycotting Anti-American Hollywood (www.PABAAH.com).

Alvarez writes in an e-mail, “We've begun a letter-writing campaign to Clear Channel radio to request that they drop Eminem from their play list. It’s time for Eminem to appreciate what America has given him. Let’s ‘Dixie Chick’ the rapper known as Eminem!”

The Left Coast Report suspects that Eminem’s record company, agent, manager, publicist and entourage might soon recommend a swift rewrite.

Saddam Strikes a Prose

It turns out that, in between filling mass graves with innocent people, Saddam Hussein apparently found the time to work on a fourth novel. He supposedly wrote it during the initial phase of the war in Iraq.

Hussein’s official translator, Saman Abdul Majid, tells Newsweek about the content of the book. It seems that, in an attempt at an Old Testament period piece, Saddam served up a literary assault on Jews.

The title reveals the deranged mind of the deposed despot. The book would have been called “Get Out of Here, You Demons,” had it been completed.

The Left Coast Report ponders that, if Saddam survives, his next project could be co-writing a tome with Al Franken and Michael Moore.

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