James Hirsen
Tuesday, Oct. 14, 2003

While performing at a benefit concert in Las Vegas, Elton John let loose with an Al Franken-like attack against Dennis Miller.

Before John’s performance, Miller served the crowd a special heaping of his ultra-hip wry commentary. In between the humor, he urged that we do some drilling in ANWR to lessen our dependence on oil imports.

After singing “Tiny Dancer,” John blamed the comedian-turned-Fox News commentator for the disdain that Kofi & Company have toward the U.S.

“Americans are always asking why the rest of the world hates them,” the wildly bespectacled entertainer explained. “Well, the reason is Dennis Miller.”

Summing up Miller’s performance, John added, “You've all gone mental if you liked that.”

When asked about Elton’s remarks, Miller calmly told the Las Vegas Sun, “Everyone is entitled to their opinion.”

The Left Coast Report says mental must be in the political eye of the beholder.

Brown, Franken and Wolff Kick Rush When He’s Down

On the same day Rush Limbaugh let the world know about his addiction to prescription painkillers and road to rehab, how did CNN’s Aaron Brown cover the story? With a smirk and a smack.

Brown trotted out two of the biggest Rush bashers around – New York magazine's media critic Michael Wolff and the unfunny Al Franken – to comment on the talk show host’s problems.

After Brown acknowledged that he himself had a “permanent smirk” that seemed to be attached to his face, he got the anti-Rush party started.

Brown referred to Rush’s statement as a “media strategy” and “the Arnold defense.”

Franken insisted that the strategy wouldn’t work. He said that when Rush goes into rehab “he's got to work a 12-step program. Those programs are based on rigorous honesty. Then I don't think he'll have a show.”

Franken continued with his barb: “I don't think he can do a show based on rigorous honesty, frankly. He won't have anything to do.”

The Dem operative in disguise piled on even higher, sneering that after listening to Rush and reading “enough books on him, that he is always – he's a dishonest demagogue.”

Wolff disagreed, sort of, and threw some jabs of his own. He said that “this is not about recovery. This is about maintaining a media empire” and described Rush as “an incredibly powerful and insidious force.”

The Left Coast Report takes comfort in this trio’s batting average. They’re habitually wrong in their views and attitudes. This will be demonstrated once again when a better-than-ever Rush returns. And yes, Rush, you’re in our prayers.

Sly Stallone’s ‘Demolition Man’ Prophecy

Back in 1993, Sylvester Stallone starred in a flick called “Demolition Man.” He played an ex-cop who awakens after being frozen for more than three decades. As the New York Post notes, there’s a scene in the film that could someday turn out to be prophetic.

A policewoman, played by Sandra Bullock, shows Sly’s character an L.A. of the future.

Bullock’s character points out the Schwarzenegger Presidential Library and explains that even though the library’s namesake “was not born in this country, his popularity at the time caused the 61st Amendment.” The Left Coast Report wonders – since Sen. Orrin Hatch has introduced a constitutional amendment allowing people who have been naturalized citizens for at least 20 years to be eligible for the presidency – is life planning on imitating art?

‘Kill Bill’ Worth Nil

Word has it that, when it comes to distribution, Mel Gibson’s film about the final hours in the life of Jesus Christ didn’t spark Disney’s interest. On the other hand, “Kill Bill” did float the Mouse’s Miramax boat.

Although the title of the movie conjures up images of the former first lady’s rough draft of “Living History,” that’s not what the celluloid creation is all about.

It’s been six years since “Kill Bill” writer/director Quentin Tarantino made a movie, and it’s anybody’s guess what the guy has been up to. But from the looks of his latest work, it’s likely he’s been OD’ing on martial-arts movies, gaping at Japanese cartoons and chowing down cartons of clichés.

Many of Hollywood’s elites will no doubt hail the bloody spoof as “edgy” and “ground-breaking.” But regular Joes and Janes may gain more entertainment and aesthetic satisfaction from watching a Freddy Krueger sequel.

Violence often plays a pivotal role in film. But, in this case, psychotic retribution is celebrated with a special delivery of decapitated heads, a balloon bouquet of severed limbs and a mega-keg of blood. It’s enough to make Hannibal Lechter reach for the Pepto.

The film features Uma Thurman of “Pulp Fiction” as a revenge-seeking martial arts hit-gal. In the movie, Thurman’s character goes after former colleagues from the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (DiVAS) because they tried to kill her on her wedding day.

In order to get patrons to part with double their money, the original three-hour film is being released in two parts. This means that viewers will have to endure scenes that seem to go on forever because they’ve been stretched to fit a chubbier time slot.

Ironically, this film comes to us courtesy of the same town that can’t seem to deliver a movie that deals with the most significant event of our times – Sept. 11. The closest Tinseltown has come to bringing the story of the attack to the screen was the made-for-cable Showtime original “DC 9/11.” Longtime Hollywood insurgent Lionel Chetwynd wrote it.

While cinematic excursions that border on snuff flicks are often showered with awards in Hollywood, making a flick that deals with the war on terror is apparently comparable to trying to stuff a truthful peg into a politically correct hole.

“The only unorganized groups you can make as the enemy would be the U.S. government, the police, the FBI and corporate America,” says Jack Valenti, head of the Motion Picture Association of America.

Chetwynd sees a problem in finding a P.C.-approved hero as well. “Who’s going to be the hero?” Chetwynd asks. “The CIA? The government? Our government?”

The Left Coast Report sees the message to young filmmakers as – if you lack creativity, just use the mayhem modality along with profanity and you, too, will be called avant-garde.

Robert Downey Jr. Has a Friend in Mel

Robert Downey Jr. was in the news recently. He got a part in a Woody Allen flick. But Woody later dumped him because of a lack of insurance.

That wasn’t about to happen again, at least not in Downey’s latest movie, “The Singing Detective.”

The reason: Mel Gibson.

Gibson appears with Downey in the film. I had the opportunity to meet Downey when I was visiting Gibson’s offices. From their interaction, it was obvious that the two, who co-starred more than a decade ago in “Air America,” were good friends.

What I didn’t know at the time was that Downey would never have appeared with Mel in “The Singing Detective” if, as Roger Friedman of Fox News has reported, Gibson hadn’t put up the money for Downey’s insurance bond.

Downey, whose father is Jewish, is also one who actually saw “The Passion of Christ” and has given his assessment. He dismissed the so-called controversy over the film by saying, “‘The Passion’ is not anti-Semitic.”

The Left Coast Report thinks, in the entertainment biz, it’s interesting to contrast those who talk the happy talk with those who walk the friendship walk.

Jay Leno’s Gone GOP?

Jay Leno was recently accused of engaging in some despicable behavior.

We’re not talking about womanizing, substance abuse or metrosexuality.

No, the political and Hollywood elite are accusing the late-night comedy king of being a tool of President Bush, Gov.-Elect Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Republicans.

Schwarzenegger made his now-famous announcement of his intention to run for governor of California on the “Tonight Show.” And Leno introduced the Governator at his victory speech on election night. A columnist for the lefty L.A. Weekly referred to Leno as a “political pawn” of Arnold. The paper also accused Leno of being too light on the Bush jokes after Sept. 11.

Apparently, Leno’s spokesperson is aware that, in Hollywood, being called sympathetic to Republicans requires that you engage in damage control.

Leno spokesman Bruce Bobbins told the New York Daily News that Leno “never had Arnold on during the campaign” and even “booked [defeated Gov.] Gray Davis as a guest.”

Bobbins explained that Leno and Arnold are “just longtime friends.”

The Left Coast Report asks, Isn’t that the same thing Britney said about Madonna?

Alec Baldwin’s Biscuit Bobble

Alec Baldwin recently dropped by Texas to attend a fund-raiser for congressional Democrats. He ungraciously brought some crass partisan theatrics along with him.

Holding up a box of dog biscuits, Baldwin had this to say about Texas Gov. Rick Perry: “I wanted to give this to Tom DeLay's lap dog, Rick Perry.”

The rude Hollywood dude continued, “I thought maybe he had worked up a big appetite up there on the Capitol so Governor Perry, AKA Tom DeLay's lap dog in the Texas state Legislature, this box of dog biscuits is for you, and I hope you enjoy it while you're toiling away at a redistricting plan.”

Despite having put on the dog, Baldwin accomplished zip. The six-month battle of the Texas Legislature ended Sunday when the state Senate passed a congressional redistricting plan.

Perry will undoubtedly sign the bill into law, which will give the Republicans, who are a majority in Texas, a majority in the state’s U.S. congressional delegation.

Baldwin didn’t limit his Texas tirade to redistricting. He whined about the California recall, Arnold Schwarzenegger and President Bush, too.

About the president, Baldwin blabbered, “Everything that Bush touches turns to manure in public policy.”

The Left Coast Report notes that Baldwin’s mention was the same stuff Texans had to shovel out of the room after he left.

The Left Coast Report is put together by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax.

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