James Hirsen
Tuesday, Sept. 17, 2002

House minority leader Dick Gephardt doesn't have to worry about campaign finance restrictions. He's got Hollywood buddies at his beck and call, ready to use their star power to reel in the dough.

U.S. News' Paul Bedard reports that Barbra Streisand, who habitually sees the Democratic Party as the saving grace of the nation, is ready to do an unprecedented duet with Barry Manilow. She apparently wants to restore the House of Representatives to what she sees as its proper liberal control.

Yep, the two maudlin minstrels are set to join forces at an elite Tinseltown gathering. With tickets for the event priced at $500 to $5,000 per seat, the Dems expect to raise as much as $5 million to help elevate Gephardt to the Speaker post.

Fifty other celebrities are also set to participate.

The Left Coast Report expects that if the duet between Streisand and Manilow materializes, the government will have to issue warning labels for any videotapes of the event, letting people know that extended exposure to the product may cause insulin shock and partisan delusion. Be sure to consult your physician and political pundit prior to viewing.

Bardot's Whale of a Tale

Legendary sexpot Brigitte Bardot is better known these days as an animal rights activist. Her latest pet cause is writing letters to save the killer whale that starred in "Free Willy."

Although 20 million bucks were spent over four years to rehabilitate the Hollywood whale so it could live in the wild, the mammal was freed in a nation that is ice-cold and a whale hunting heaven.

It seems that Keiko, the real Willy, now lives in a fjord in Norway. His new digs can apparently freeze over when least expected.

Bardot wrote one of her famous open letters to Norwegian Crown Princess Mette-Marit. The dispatch was published in Norwegian newspapers. The actress/activist hopes that one day Keiko might live in a warmer, hunter-free zone.

The local fishermen are unhappy for another reason, though – the killer whale's appetite. Since it eats up too much of their catch, they'd like to get rid of the splashy mammal any way they can.

The Left Coast Report wonders when Charlie Tuna is going to get into the act and stick up for his chums.

Glover the Peace Lover

It's hard to believe he was Mel Gibson's partner.

On the eve of the anniversary of Sept. 11, Danny Glover went out and told an audience at the University of Arkansas that terrorism should be fought with dialogue, not war.

In his speech, Glover cited poverty as a cause of terrorism and cautioned America not to "govern by anger." The actor apparently doesn't know about the net worth of Osama and his terrorist friends.

In Glover's opinion, the post-Sept. 11 era is a time to reflect on the U.S.'s "over-consumption." He believes that "we're taking a terrible toll on this planet."

The Left Coast Report reminds readers that Glover is the same guy who made millions of dollars, courtesy of some anger-ridden movies called "Lethal Weapon 1, 2, 3 and 4." This apparently gives him the right to shoot his mouth off without thinking.

Whitney the Lawn-Breaker

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown have been busted.

No, they're not in trouble for disturbing the peace or using drugs. The accusations are flying that they've been over-watering their lawn.

Police came to the Houston-Brown compound after a neighbor complained that the water had been on all night long. This is a real problem because, due to drought conditions, the state of New Jersey put strict water conservation rules into effect. The penalty for violating the rules can be as much as six months in the slammer.

A spokeswoman for the couple insists that the whole thing is just a mistake and that Whitney is concerned about the environment.

But a local policeman, Lt. Jim Hughes, said, "Nobody gets special treatment here."

The Left Coast Report finds it ironic that the couple's green-grass prerogative would be the thing that lands them in hot water.

Propaganda Rock

Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics and reggae-rocker Jimmy Cliff are pairing up to record a tune for the United Nations.

The goal is to have radio stations around the world play "Peace for One Day" on Sept. 21, the date officially designated by the U.N. as the International Day of Peace.

Last year, the U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution that called for one full day of cease-fires.

The Left Coast Report points out that while promoting peace for any length of time is a noble idea, it would be nice if more celebs had the skinny on the organization they support. Like how it recently made the ruthless dictator of Libya, Moammar Khadafi, head of the Commission on Human Rights.

It's Rambo Time Again

Congressman Mark Kirk is on a mission that's bound to make Sly Stallone stand up and say "Yo."

According to U.S. News, Kirk is trying to save the M-60, Rambo's favorite machine gun. And he's taking the cause directly to Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

Kirk's argument actually makes a lot of sense. Why spend millions of dollars to develop a replacement weapon that will cost $15,000 per unit when the venerable M-60 machine guns can be upgraded for $5,000 apiece?

Jeannette Walls of MSNBC reports that Sylvester Stallone thinks, in these troubled post-Sept. 11 times, America needs more Rambo. The actor has announced that he's going to bring the M-60-toting soldier out of retirement.

"We're talking about doing another Rambo because I think it's time to combine action with politics," Stallone told reporters at a film festival.

The Left Coast Report thinks Congress might consider following suit and try combining a little action with politics themselves.

Duel School

The Clintonistas sure are versatile. One of them just got a job hosting "This Week," ABC's left-leaning public affairs show. Others have decided to run for various political offices.

But James Carville is taking a different tack. The ex-president's adviser is drifting toward Hollywood.

The Washington Post reports that Carville will appear in an upcoming DreamWorks/Will Ferrell comedy called "Old School." The cameo appearance pits him against Ferrell in a debate.

No doubt Ferrell will have to undergo weeks of intensive psychological prep for his forensic encounter with Carville. Rumor has it that the film's producers are going to lock him in a room with a few life insurance salesmen and a couple of personal injury lawyers to help out in the effort.

The Left Coast Report can't help but notice the Hollywood bias, since there's no way to claim "Serpenthead" was chosen for his telegenic appearance.

The Left Coast Report is put together by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax.

Editor's note:
FREE – 4 Months to NewsMax.com's Magazine. Check It Out – Get four FREE