Humberto Fontova
Tuesday, Sept. 3, 2002

Havana's Karl Marx Theater rocked and rolled last month. Cuba's Communist Party put on a rollicking Fourth of July party. "In honor of the noble American people on the anniversary of their independence," proclaimed Cuba's Communist Party newspaper "Granma."

Ted Turner's "Helluva guy!" was there, Fidel himself, declaring: "The cultural, spiritual and moral legacy of the American people is also the heritage of Cuba and of the Cuban people!" And a choral group sang "Old Man River."

Wow. What happened to the U.S. as "a vulture preying on humanity!" circa 1960? What about the U.S. as "the cancer of humanity!" circa 1968? And let's not forget: "Worse than Hitler's Germany!" a Castroite staple for 40 years.

"Come on, Humberto," you say. "That's Cold War stuff. Knock it off. He's mellowed recently."

Oh? Then how about his "We will bring America to her knees!" That was last year in Teheran.

What a difference one year – and going bankrupt – make.

What a difference the end of that nasty ol' Cold War – and running out of creditors to stiff – make.

What a difference a fresh and enlightened view of the brotherhood of nations – and getting a credit rating below Somalia by Moody's and below Haiti by Dun & Bradstreet – make.

What a difference a genuine longing to lessen international tension by engaging in dialogue – and having your ships impounded in foreign ports by furious creditors – make.

It was a whole year ago when Fidel high-fived with the Iranians about making us cry uncle. But as we saw from Enron and WorldCom, financial unpleasantness can sneak up unannounced. You almost want to laugh. From "Fidel the Mighty Scourge of the Yankee Imperialists!" to Mr. Haney, in one year.

Remember Mr. Haney on "Green Acres"? "Mis-ter Doug-las, my card, sir. Have I got a deal for you, sir! Mis-ter Doug-las, can I interest you in ...?"

Fidel's got a deal for us all right. And it'll make Oliver Douglas' farm look like the buy of a lifetime. We're talking Credit Management 101 here, folks. He's paying cash on time right now ($70 million to such as ADM and Cargill), lulling all his U.S. vendors and infuriating his European ones. "We've been waiting years for payment!" they wail.

Our hearts bleed, dear Europeans.

Soon "President" Castro's people will place a really big order with his smiling U.S. vendors, shake hands, slap backs. Then – wham! He'll stick it to 'em, as he has to everyone else.

I'm tempted to laugh. Problem is, these vendors will undoubtedly come whimpering to us taxpayers (Ex-Im Bank) for compensation. Welfare queens by any other name.

Once we had Fidel the heroic champion of Third World peoples against the capitalist exploiters. Now it's Fidel the capitalist exploiters' King Pimp ... "Psssst, Meester Canadian? Pssst, Herr German? Psssst, Signorino Italiano? … You wan' my seester? ... first time for you, meester ... here's photo ... only 12 years old ... Nice, hunh?"

Havana recently topped Bangkok as "child-sex capital of the world." Consider the human tragedy, the desperation of poor people driven to such things in such numbers, and after 43 years of "liberation" and "national dignity."

18,000 riddled by firing squads. Half a million incarcerated. 50,000 drowned or ripped apart by sharks in the Florida Straits. Thousands more slaughtered in Africa for Moscow. Two million exiled. And we wind up with a nation that in 1959 had a higher living standard than Belgium or Italy, had a lower infant mortality rate than France, had net immigration, as child prostitution capital of the world.

Friends, are you beginning to understand why we get a trifle "emotional" or "unreasonable" when we hear some imbecile professor or boneheaded politician yapping about "the good things" Castro has done for Cuba?

Imagine chumming it up with people like Daniel Pearl's murderers. U.S. citizens are doing it daily nowadays – on every "fact finding" junket and "trade delegation" to Havana. Thousands more will stand in line for the privilege at the U.S. Food & Agribusiness Exhibition at Havana's Palacio de las Convenciones Sept. 26-30. "As many as 20,000 visitors are expected," reports the Miami Herald. Quite a hoedown.

These folks, especially those who coo and gurgle at Cuba's "literacy rate," will likely hobnob with some charming people. As a special treat, they might meet Cuba's current "minister of education," Fernando Vecino Alegret. This gentleman has an interesting background. Most probably the Communist tour guides, smiling and eager to make your stay as pleasant as possible, will neglect to mention it.

But the book "Honor Bound: American Prisoners of War in Southeast Asia 1961-1973" does – and in some pretty explicit detail, I'm afraid. So I'll pass it along.

The authors describe Hanoi's "Cuba Project" at the Cu Loc POW camp known as "The Zoo" on the southwestern edge of Hanoi. In brief, this "Cuba Project " was a Joseph Mengelese experiment by Hanoi's Castroite allies to determine how much physical and psychological agony a human can endure before cracking.

Yes, of course, the torture and humiliation of defenseless men. Now HERE was something the Castroites could REALLY show the North Vietnamese. Uncle Ho's finest never asked their Cuban friends for any advice on combat. They knew better. But torture of the helpless? By all means! Come show us how it's done, Senores Helluva guys!

For their experiment the Cubans chose 2O U.S. POWs – mostly Navy flyers, the toughest of the tough – as guinea pigs. (I don't recall PETA protesting, either.)

Unlike Pearl's murderers, the Communists had no reason to publicize their tortures. So there's no film of Lt. Col. Earl Cobeil's murder. It would have been a much longer film.

His death came slowly, in agonizing stages, as he held his ground against his Castroite torturers, as he refused to budge, as he glared in defiance at the Cuban Communist they nicknamed "Fidel," the man a 1999 Miami Herald article and congressional hearings have identified with great probability as Fernando Vecino Alegret, Cuba's current minister of education.

"I could hear the thud of the belt falling on Earl Cobeil's body again and again," recalled fellow POW Col. Jack Bomar. "I wanted to throw up. I didn't think any human could endure such a thing, his buttocks, lower back and legs hung in shreds, as Fidel screamed "you son of a beech! You weel kneel down before me! ...You WEEEEL KNEEL DOWN before me!"

Twenty U.S. POWs were tortured horribly. One died. That's always been a hang-up with Castro's people – that kneeling bit (recall his ravings in Teheran), not just murdering Americans, but humiliating them in the process.

"Kneel and beg for your life!" They taunted the bound and helpless William Morgan as he glowered at Castro's firing squad in 1961. Not one of these Reds (especially Che "the Lionhearted" Guevara himself, who had shared a battlefront with Morgan against Batista) dared talk to Willie that way when he had his hands free – even one hand.

But now they were all snarling tigers, just as they'd been while taunting him through the bars of his prison cell. "I kneel for no man!" Morgan snarled back.

"Very well, Meester Weel-yam Morgan." His executioners were aiming low, on purpose – FUEGO!"

The first volley shattered Willie's knees. He collapsed snarling and writhing. "See, Meester Morgan?" giggled the same people now celebrating the Fourth of July and backslapping with U.S. trade delegations. "We made you kneel, didn't we."

Four more bullets slammed into Morgan, all very carefully aimed to miss vitals. POW! They slammed into his shoulders. POW! They slammed into his legs. They took their sweet time. Long minutes passed. Finally one of Helluva guy's executioners walked up and – BL-A-A-A-M! – emptied a Tommy gun clip into Willie's back.

Howard Anderson fared no better. "Death to the American!" screamed his Communist prosecutor at his farce of a trial on April 17, 1961. "The prosecutor was a madman!" says a Swiss diplomat who witnessed the trial, "leaping on tables, shrieking, pointing, as Mr. Anderson simply glared back."

Howard Anderson was a U.S. citizen but a resident of Cuba since WWII, when the Navy stationed him there. In April of 1961 Helluva guy's goons dragged him from his home in a dawn raid. They had quite a catch here.

Anderson was a successful businessman owning a chain of service stations and a Jeep dealership. He was a happy family man with four children. He was president of the American Legion's Havana Chapter. He was beloved in the Cuban community. Howard Anderson embodied in his athletic 6' 2" frame everything the Castroites most hated and resented (and envied.)

Enduring horrible tortures, this noble man refused to rat-out his Cuban freedom-fighter brothers. Two days after his "trial," his turn came. They say he whistled on his way to the stake and refused a blindfold – to glare at his executioners. "FUEGO!!"

They dumped Howard Anderson in a mass grave. His wife had to sneak over to place a cross over it, lest Helluva guy's police catch her in the act.

Howard Anderson's family recently sued Helluva guy in U.S. federal court for wrongful death. Let's pray that they win.

When Doug McArthur waded ashore on Leyte he grabbed a radio: "People of the Phillippines: I have returned. By the grace of Almighty God our forces stand again on Philippine soil – soil consecrated in the blood of our two peoples."

After the volley at La Cabana's blood-spattered wall, Howard Anderson's blood soaked into the same bricks as that of Rogelia Gonzalez, Virgilio Companeria and Alberto Tapia, students and members of Catholic Action, none over 21 years old. They refused blindfolds too, and perished yelling, "Long Live Christ the King!"

Cuba was on fire that year, from tip to tip. Helluva guy's firing squads were working overtime. At one point, one of every 17 Cubans was a political prisoner. Over in the Escambray mountain range Helluva guy's police and militia resorted to less formal methods of execution.

Mass murder was the order in Cuba's hill country. It was the only way to decimate so many rebels. These country folk went after the Reds with a ferocity that saw Fidel, Che and Raul running to their Soviet sugar daddies and tugging their pants in panic. Think "Braveheart" with Spanish subtitles. Think "The Patriot" with a backdrop of palm trees. Think Kulaks with guns. It took almost 100,000 Castro troops and Soviet advisers to finally defeat these heroes – WAIT ... did I say "defeat"?

No more than the Brigadistas who went down in a blaze of glory at Playa Giron. To say such men were "defeated" is surely to pervert the word. Betrayed? Perhaps. Abandoned? Surely. Overwhelmed and crushed by sheer number? Certainly.

But defeated? NEVER!!

You'd swear that Churchill had known them when he came up with his famous phrase "bloodied but unbowed."

Helluva guy's firing squad taunted guajiro (Cuban for redneck) Carlos Machado in Las Villas during the rebellion. "Are you going to crack?" they giggled while tying his hands.

"Glass cracks!" barked Carlos. "Men die standing!"

"Very well – FUEGO!!"

Carlos was 15 years old. He died in the same volley alongside his twin brother and father.

For me, "family night" means a few bucks off at some restaurant. In the Escambrays it meant half your family murdered by Helluva guy's firing squads in one crack. The Milian family lost 12 men in the freedom fight. Think the Sullivans of WWII, but triple the heartache.

Don't look for this on any CNN "special report," friends. But it's all in Enrique Encinosa's "Cuba En Guerra" (sadly, available only in Spanish). On page after page you'll encounter a roll call of courage, honor and glory. Friends, are you beginning to understand why we get a little "worked up" when we see so many people toasting and backslapping with this cowardly butcher?

Well, I guess there's no point in Helluva guy making Americans kneel anymore. Not when he's tantalizingly close to getting his hands on our tax money (Ex-Im Bank).

And oh ... Ted? Are you out there? You know, they've come out with some new software nowadays. It translates Spanish to English. That Havana Bureau of yours must be expensive and we've got a recession looming, I hear.

Your people are great transcribers and translators. But they can do that in Atlanta, Ted. Just ask Castro's propaganda ministry to e-mail you its documents. This software translates them in a jiffy. Think of the savings!

You might want to leave a skeleton crew down in Cuba. I'm sure Helluva guy can find other step-'n'-fetch jobs for y'all. He always has his eye out for good help. And lately he must be saying to himself, "Sure getting hard to get good hired help these days!"

But you've never let him down before, Ted. He's a big-time duck hunter, as you know. Maybe your people can retrieve his ducks. "Go get 'em, boy! ... There! ... That's it! ... Good boy! Gooooood bo-oy!"

Your people will still get that affectionate little pat on the head from Helluva guy. They can still squat in front of him and wiggle their tails in joy and pride at a job well done.

Humberto Fontova holds an M.A. in history from Tulane University. He's the author of "Helldiver's Rodeo," described as "Highly entertaining!" by Publisher's Weekly, "A must-read!" by Booklist, and "Just what the doctor ordered!" by Ted Nugent.

You may reach Mr. Fontova by e-mail at hfontova@earthlink.net.

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