James Hirsen
Tuesday, July 23, 2002

Some Russians are apparently mad enough to hurl their borscht.

What's gotten them so riled up is that they found out some of the details contained in the film "K-19: The Widowmaker."

The plot of the new film centers around a 1961 accident aboard a Russian nuclear submarine. The sub barely avoided a meltdown in the North Atlantic.

Veterans' groups in Russia have learned about an unpleasant but effective technique that's been used by people in the U.S. Now they'd like to give it a go themselves.

According to the Russian newspaper Izvestia, the vets are threatening to file a lawsuit against the filmmakers over alleged inaccuracies. They're irate about depictions of heavy drinking aboard the subs. They're also mad about what they contend is an erroneous portrayal of a conflict between the ship's two top officers.

Igor Kurdin, head of a St. Petersburg–based group of retired submariners, told the Russian paper, "This film isn't about Russians but about how Americans want to see Russians."

The Left Coast Report feels the need to explain to Kurdin that the movie is not about how Americans see Russians but rather how Hollywood sees Russians. Yes, Igor. Hollywood does distort reality.

Crowe Lights Up

Apparently, actor Russell Crowe has made a legal boo-boo in Australia. His big blunder? Smoking a cigarette during a TV interview.

Australia's Tobacco Advertisement Prohibition Act rules out any advertising of cigarettes on television.

The Australian Broadcasting Authority conducted an interview with Crowe as part of its "60 Minutes" program. Before the actor lit up, viewers could catch a glimpse of a pack of Marlboros.

Now the channel is challenging a ruling made by Australia's broadcasting watchdog that the network broke the law by bringing the case to Sydney's Federal Court.

In a sort of rewrite of life imitating art, Crowe previously had portrayed a tobacco industry whistle-blower in the film "The Insider." He even received an Oscar nomination for his work.

The Left Coast Report thinks Australia might try lightening up about lighting up.

Lettuce Entertain You

Traffic recently came to a halt in Berlin.

Playboy model and former "Baywatch" lifeguard Traci Bingham was trying to promote animal rights and vegetarianism. The problem was she was doing it in a lettuce bikini.

Bingham donned the green-leafed bikini, with a sign that read "Go Vegetarian," for a PETA-sponsored event.

The actress/model made her way toward a steak restaurant, which had apparently sponsored a meat industry congress in Berlin earlier in the year.

But when the bikini-clad Bingham crossed the threshold of the restaurant with a crowd of reporters in tow, she was asked to leave.

The Left Coast Report knows, even if activists don't, that when guys see an attractive woman in a bikini, regardless of the substance the bathing suit's made of, animal rights is the furthest thing from their minds.

Tadpole Obsessed

It seems that, for the sake of promo, the decency bar is being lowered once again.

According to a new press release, film creator Miramax is pushing a trend it refers to as "tadpoling." The company hopes to generate some buzz over its upcoming movie, which couples a mature woman, played by Bebe Neuwirth, with a 15-year-old boy.

Tadpoling is described by Miramax as "the act of an older woman pairing up romantically with a man at least 10 years younger."

The term likely has its origins in the demented crevices of the Hollywood mind. Tadpole also happens to be the nickname of the 15-year-old who has relations with the 40-year-old woman in the film.

The company's press release includes an Internet poll as well. The poll was put together by the author of a book called "Older Women/Younger Men." It indicates that 20 percent of all men and approximately 10 percent of women have tadpoled at some time in their lives.

The Left Coast Report points out that when a 40-year-old has relations with a 15-year-old, regardless of gender, it's not called tadpoling. It's called statutory rape.

Courtney the Boss

Courtney Love is back on the news radar screen. This time she's being examined for her role as employer.

According to documents filed with the California Labor Commission, three of Love's employees have sued her. Court TV's thesmokinggun.com reports that Love was forced to pay her employees cash they claimed she owed.

Maria Tarin, who took care of Love's kids, claimed Love owed her $1,664 in compensation. The settlement netted the nanny $2,000.

Butler Roberto Rojas sought $2,429. He alleged that when he tried to get his money, Love fired him. He settled for an undisclosed amount.

Assistant Laurentia "Pepe" Harrington claimed her duties included shopping, organizing the house and staff, overseeing maintenance, organizing and color coding Love's closet, occasionally cooking, occasionally cleaning up after Love's boyfriend and occasionally cleaning up after a non-housetrained puppy. She was awarded $1,430 for unpaid severance and overtime. The Left Coast Report notes that since Love has been front and center complaining about the amounts the music industry pays recording artists, it may be time for her to pay the people who clean the glass house she lives in.

Judge Gases Up

Before Liza Minnelli, P. Diddy, Cybill Shepherd and Gene Simmons were being considered for reality shows, the CBS series "Survivor: Marquesas" already had a finalist who was a superior court judge.

Now Judge Paschal A. English Jr. is involved in an ad campaign for the Atlanta Gas Light Co.

The idea is to try to get people to use natural gas instead of propane. They've even have a catchy slogan: "Pappy doesn't do propane."

Although English is not specifically identified as a judge, ethical standards for judges generally prohibit them from using their position to promote a product.

But English told the Daily Report, an Atlanta legal newspaper, that he doesn't care about the opinions of law professors "in their ivory towers."

"The fact that someone knows me as a judge – does that preclude me from doing anything?" English added.

The Left Coast Report would much rather see certain judges out selling gas than giving the public heartburn.

Rational Profiling

Renowned Indian movie actress Samyuktha Verma is known as the "Julia Roberts" of Malayalam-language movies.

Now she's become the poster girl for rational profiling.

The 20-year-old actress is engaged in a tour of the United States, along with her parents, sister and two fellow performers.

While traveling on an American Trans Air flight from Chicago to New York, the group aroused the suspicion of another passenger by changing seats and passing notes. A flight attendant notified the pilot who, in turn, passed the information on to the federal aviation authorities.

Two F-16 fighter jets showed up to escort the plane for the remainder of its flight. The Indian passengers were detained, questioned and then released about five hours after the plane landed.

What was Verma's reaction to the whole incident? She told the Associated Press that she didn't mind being detained and questioned by police.

The Left Coast Report wishes that more people could react like Verma and bear annoyance for patriotism's sake to help us get the bad guys.

The Left Coast Report is put together by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax.

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