James Hirsen
Tuesday, Dec. 10, 2002

It seems that stars are always coming up with new ways to hawk their merchandise.

Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders has really thought of something original. She's trying to utilize the big accounting scandals of Enron, Global Crossing and the like to sell the group's latest CD.

Although it's a relief that she's not taking the typical tramp approach to promotion, Hynde did sound like a character from "The Sopranos" in a recent interview with Pulse magazine.

The lead singer said that the wicked heads of multinational corporations are responsible for the ills of the world. She also proposed a way to deal with the evildoers.

Referring to it as a "last resort," Hynde suggested that someone "go in and actually take these guys out."

She speculated as to a possible technique for the hit. "Maybe it will have to be an out-and-out assassination. When no one will listen anymore, then individuals have to take the law into their own hands and it can get very ugly."

Hynde evidently believes that the corporate chiefs "run the world for their own economic interests."

It's interesting that Hynde is a vegetarian and concerned about the rights of animals. Apparently, corporate execs, much like other non-PC beings, don't qualify for animal ranking in enviro-maniac manuals.

The Left Coast Report wonders if the CD's title isn't indicative of Hynde's mental state. It's called "Loose Screw."

Move over, Dr. Phil – Here Comes Dr. Bill

Bill Clinton's never been shy when asked for his expert opinion.

Recently, though, the X-prez sort of played psychoanalyst. He offered a personal evaluation of Harvey Weinstein, a multimillion-dollar fund-raiser for the Dems.

Clinton supplied this piece of depth psychology: "Something happens to you when you're a child and makes you feel that if you really want to have an impact in life, you have to be in a hurry – and you can't be milquetoast."

He went on to explore Weinstein's inner motivation. "There's something that planted a deep yearning in him that would let him define the work of his life, at least in part, by how much he got done quick."

Bubba couldn't help talking about himself. "I think guys like him, and me, if you're not careful, you miss a lot of other things in life."

The Left Coast Report thinks, when it comes to Weinstein, Clinton has a number of "deep yearnings" of his own, but they're in the form of mega-bucks for Ms. Two-fer-One's future presidential run.

Ben Affleck's PETA Flap

J.Lo's main squeeze, Ben Affleck, has pulled a Bob Torricelli. Affleck refused to admit guilt, and he promised never to do it again.

The Washington Post reports that a PETA spokesperson wrote a letter to Affleck indicating, "Many of our members, who are big fans of yours, called and e-mailed to let us know how upset they were about a recent article in Us Weekly that suggests you bought Jennifer Lopez a chinchilla fur coat."

The letter provided a detailed description of chinchilla death by "genital electrocution." Along with the note was an animal cruelty video starring Stella McCartney.

Affleck dutifully yielded to the organization's pleas. His written response was an object lesson in the art of groveling.

"Thank you for your concern and all the good work you do on behalf of animals everywhere. I don't comment on media reports of what I buy or do, but I can tell you that if I bought every gift for Jennifer that I am reported in the paper to have bought I'd have gone broke long ago. Regardless, you have opened my eyes to a particularly cruel and barbaric treatment of animals. I can assure you that I do not endorse such treatment and will not do anything in the future that supports it."

Of course Affleck included a promise to give PETA some money, saying that a "contribution to your organization is forthcoming."

And what about Ben's fur-wearing future bride?

PETA Vice President Dan Mathews told the Washington Post, "We've tried to reach out to her, but she has always seemed indifferent to the animal suffering behind fur … we're hoping Ben will help Jennifer evolve on animal rights."

The Left Coast Report has a hunch J.Lo's crossed Matthews off the wedding guest list.

Richard Gere's Giraffe Gaffe

And the winner is … Richard Gere. The actor's just won the "Foot in Mouth" award given by Britain's Plain English Campaign.

You're probably thinking that Gere won the coveted award for his New Age comments to New York's rescue workers immediately after Sept. 11. Although those words were doozies, Gere actually won for a statement he gave to the Guardian newspaper last June. It went like this: "I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe."

Gere usually makes sense when he talks about Tibet but when he gets on other subjects, things can get a bit weird.

The Left Coast Report suggests that Gere might try meditating less and cogitating more.

George Michael Slapped by Ninth Circuit

George Michael may be headed to court. The Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals found in a 2-1 ruling that a police officer who arrested the singer can sue him for defamation. In 1998, Michael was arrested in a public men's restroom in Southern California. He was charged with committing a lewd act.

Later, Michael stated that the arresting officer, Marcelo Rodriguez, had "waved his genitals" at him. The claim was repeated several times in magazine articles and on TV.

Michael ended up pleading no contest to the lewd act charge and received some Winona Ryder -type justice. He was fined $810 and had to complete 80 hours of community service.

The Left Coast Report wonders if, in any upcoming court appearances, Michael will use the defense techniques of the Previously Gloved One – show up late, go shoeless, sport an armband and answer questions about memory problems by saying, "Not that I can recall."

Babs in the Box

Since the Republican victory in recent elections, Barbra Streisand's been in a funk.

The singer tells the Associated Press that she spends much of her day watching political programs and reading articles.

"I think the first day or two after the election, I was completely discouraged. You kind of say, 'I'm not going to be involved in this anymore.' And then you say a few days after that – 'Now is the time to fight even harder.'"

Babs had this to say about her critics: "What I resent is, one is kept in a box, like if you're an artist, you can't have political opinions?"

The Left Coast Report would never want to deny Streisand the right to her political opinions, no matter how zany they are. But it would be nice if she kept them off the wire services.

Right Down Letterman's Alley

First David Letterman tried to get Ball State University to change the name of its football stadium and name it after him. Then he implored Indianapolis to call the highway that encircles the city, Interstate 465, the Dave Letterman Expressway.

So, what happened? The late-night talk show host is getting an alley named after him.

Muncie, Ind., the place where Letterman lived while attending college, has decreed that one of the city's busiest alleys will now officially be known as "Dave's Alley Open 24 Hours."

Not everyone is happy about the name change. Some protesters showed up at the alley. They turned out to be fans of Garfield the Cat. So reports the Associated Press.

Cartoonist Jim Davis, who created Garfield, lives in the area. Two of the more dedicated protesters were dressed in Garfield and Odie the dog costumes. They had signs that read: "Dave Bites," "Cats Rule, Dave Drools" and "Alleys are for Cats."

The Left Coast Report says an alley should be named for someone you would expect to find in one – like a U.N. inspector.

The Left Coast Report is put together by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax.

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