James Hirsen
Saturday, Jan. 19, 2002

It's not easy being conservative in Hollywood. Stars like Tom Selleck and Bo Derek have learned that lesson well.

But now we're seeing a new right-thinking celebrity braving his way forward. It's none other than the independent-spirited John Malkovich.

It seems that the actor recently gave the Chicago Tribune some of his unparalleled observations about our criminal justice system.

"America's left wing wants criminals coddled, and no one wants anyone punished," he says. "I would have no problem pushing the switch while having dinner."

Malkovich went on to tweak the anti-capital-punishment crowd further by saying, "We're all going to die, so it should just be called the early death penalty."

The Left Coast Report suspects that Malkovich won't be on the guest list of Hollywood's next pet charity banquet.

Gone in 15 Minutes

Actor Nicholas Cage found out the hard way that life really can imitate art, even the questionable art of some popular Hollywood movies.

Cage starred in "Gone in 60 Seconds," a film that essentially glamorized car theft. But a recent incident has many people wondering if the movie may have played a role in Cage's real-life auto drama.

Apparently four thieves took off with Cage's 1989 Porsche Speedster. After getting a glimpse of the ownership papers, the crooks realized the high-profile nature of their heist and promptly shoved the car into the Lake of the Ozarks.

When Missouri state troopers pulled the car out of the water, it had a smashed windshield, half a roof and seats adorned with fishing lines.

The Left Coast Report sees Cage being a bit more cautious in the future about choosing an automobile and a lot more cautious about choosing a script.

All You Need Is Law

Olivia Harrison, widow of the dearly departed Beatle George Harrison, was forced to make an untimely trip to court. Apparently, just one day after her husband's death, Olivia's former brother-in-law, Carl Roles, tried to steal and then sell some of George's belongings as souvenirs.

Roles got a restraining order slapped against him that prohibits the selling of certain articles, which include 10 boxes of photos, clothing, records and other personal items, according to court papers.

Roles told the Associated Press that when he and his ex-wife, Olivia's sister, had lived in Harrison's Bel Air home, he had been given permission to remove items from the house and put them in storage.

The Left Coast Report envisions the surviving Beatles writing a tune for this would-be grave robber. Working title: "Ghoul on the Hill."

No Goody Two Shoes

Eighties new wave rocker Adam Ant has been admitted to the psychiatric ward of Britain's Royal Free Hospital.

The Sun Tabloid reports that Ant, whose real name is Stewart Goddard, was arrested at a London pub after he allegedly assaulted a patron. He apparently threatened to open fire when he was refused entrance to a private gathering.

The former leader of the new wave group Adam and the Ants was later charged with criminal assault and possession of a firearm.

With several solo hits of his own, including "Goodie Two Shoes," Ant was scheduled to make a comeback tour in the spring.

The Left Coast Report will be interested to see if the defense counsel accuses the prosecution of trying to make a mountain out of an anthill.

Black Hawk Backlash

Hollywood is facing its own P.C. standards as leaders in the Somali-American community call for a boycott of the movie "Black Hawk Down."

The film tells the story of the 1993 firefight in Somalia that left 18 American soldiers dead.

The Associated Press reports that Omar Jamal, executive director of the Somali Justice Advocacy Center in St. Paul, Minn., is charging that the new movie portrays people in the African country as savages.

Jamal says, "We don't know what Americans will think of us Somalis after they watch this movie."

Approximately 25,000 Somalis live in Minnesota, the largest concentration in the nation. Jamal fears that the movie might create a backlash against Somalis living in the United States.

The Left Coast Report thinks that the Somali warlords who allowed dead U.S. servicemen to be dragged through the streets deserve every bit of backlash that comes their way.

Terrorist-Free TV

The trial of Zacarias Moussaoui, the only man charged in the Sept. 11 terrorist attack, is not coming to the little screen any time soon.

U.S. District Judge Leonie Brinkema recently decided not to set aside a ban on the photographing and broadcasting of federal criminal proceedings. So says the Associated Press.

Moussaoui had joined legal forces with Court TV to ask for television coverage of his trial. Court TV maintained that a federal ban on TV cameras in the courtroom was unconstitutional.

Moussaoui's lawyer, Edward MacMahon Jr., argued that television would give Moussaoui "an added layer of protection" for a fair trial.

In her opinion Judge Brinkema wrote that "any societal benefits from photographing and broadcasting these proceedings are heavily outweighed by the significant dangers worldwide the broadcasting of this trial would pose to the orderly and secure administration of justice."

The Left Coast Report believes that, in a post-Sept. 11 world, it's the American people who get first dibs on any added layers of protection. Judge Brinkema's decision deserves applause and all should be thankful that Judge Ito wasn't the one sitting on the bench.

Babs' Big Bid for G.W.

A 1790s vintage portrait of the first American president will soon be moving from one coast to the other.

Barbra Streisand bought the art piece for $412,750 at a Sotheby's auction. It seems she wanted the painting by Charles Peale Polk badly enough to outbid the Mount Vernon Ladies Association.

The portrait uses the 1777 Battle of Princeton as a background to feature a more youthful commander in chief than seen in the famous Gilbert Stuart portraits.

The painting is set to be moved from the George Washington Museum in Virginia to Streisand's home in Malibu, Calif. Streisand told the Orlando Sentinel she plans to hang the portrait next to an 18th-century chair.

The Left Coast Report suggests that if Streisand likes looking at our first president, she ought to try pondering some of the words attributed to him, particularly the warning about government growth: "Government is not reason, it is not eloquence – it is force! Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master."

The Left Coast Report is put together by James L. Hirsen and the staff of NewsMax.

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